We have all been there at some point or another – considering whether to end our relationship, or work it out in the hope that things will get better eventually. Making the decision to end a relationship could possibly be the hardest and scariest, yet the bravest thing you could do. While it is never going to be easy, do not allow fear to influence your decision. However, instead of ending it immediately, think deeply about what you really want. Calling quits on a relationship without allowing yourself some time to think through the situation may well end up meaning you l regret the decision later on.
It will be of great help to ask yourself a few searching and meaningful questions first before you make the final decision. A little contemplation on the matter at hand, and conversation with a trusted other can go a long way to help you make the right choice for your life.
Reflect on the questions below, and reassure yourself that you have tried everything to save the reltationship:
Does your partner bring out the best in you?
The person you choose to spend the rest of your life with should not only accept the beauty he or she sees in you, but also the ordinary human parts of you. Ask yourself whether you feel accepted as you are or is your partner expecting you to change to suit him or her. The right person will make you feel you are a worthwhile person. .
Instead of dragging you down and bringing out negative emotions and feelings of inadequacy in you, he or she will encourage and support you; helping to build your strengths while polishing your weaknesses. Does your partner share your happiness when you achieve your dreams in life. Otherwise, ask yourself where your relationship is headed and if it would be better to move on without him or her by your side.
Can we work it out?
Is it still possible to work through your conflicts? Are there still things left in the relationship that are worth salvaging? Despite your uncertainties about the relationship, it will most likely help if you try to resolve relationship problems in a healthy manner. Express your concerns, voice your needs, and apologise for whatever problems you have caused in the current situation. On the other hand, listen to your partner, give him or her enough time to work things out on his or her own, and respect his or her feelings. Furthermore look at yourself realistically and reflect on your own part in the dissolution of the relatonship. It is essential that you talk about your relationship together in a safe place. In doing so, you allow yourselves to examine the future direction of your relationship and may discover that you are still both willing to stick through together and give your relationship another chance.
Am I happy or sad most of the time?
There is no exact formula to a successful relationship. However, research has shown that there are recurring patterns and set of behaviours that makes for a happy, long-term partnership. It is the successful couples that can manage and get through the ups and downs of a relationship.
If most of your time spent together revolves around fights, your nights are filled with tears, and little arguments always lead to big blow-ups, it may be a bad sign. A healthy relationship has a balance of giving and receiving and of enjoyment and difficulty. . Every relationship comes with trials and tribulations, but they should not take away from the overall contentment in the relationship. If you no longer feel happy, you have every right to tell your partner about it. Being open about your needs will not only make you happier, but will let your partner know what you want and contribute towards the likelihood of working things out.
Do you have any chemistry left?
If you feel like that the chemistry in your relationship has worn off, talking about it is probably the best start. The missing spark between the two of you is not a justifiable reason for a breakup. If your personal and professional activities are responsible for neglecting to spend time with each other then you need to work on rediscovering the original charm in your relationship. If you think you are heading towards a breakup, take time to consider the worthwhile assets in your relationship and make space to talk and do things together
Devote time to making your partner feel special and wanted again as though you are in the early stages of the relationship. Small gestures can make a world of difference and help both of you to remember what it was that influenced you to make a commitment in the first place
Is this what I really want?
Ending a relationship out of anger, sadness or disappointment is an impulsive move that you can regret later. Rather than impulsively calling it quits, take things slowly, give yourself time and examine the situation. Wait until you are calm and have carefully weighed up the options. Breaking up with a person who you have loved is difficult, so before making a decision to end things, be very sure you are moving in the right direction and doing it for the right reasons.
For each of the questions above, take an honest appraisal of the current relationship. If, after doing all of the above and you are still suffering, you may give relationship psychotherapy a try. Consulting a professional counsellor will help you see the bigger picture and build a plan that will best resolve the problems you are currently facing in your relationship.