Tips for improving the intimacy in your life
1. Confess a vulnerability.
Take a risk and confess a vulnerability or even something that you might have previously considered shameful about yourself and your feelings. It can be disarming and unthreatening if it is presented in a way that is confessional and confidential. It is easy for partners to hear revelations as criticisms and yet if you were to say that you felt fragile or insecure in a situation which wasn’t accusing your partner of a misstep or thoughtless move or word, it is likely to be heard in a very different way; heard as a partner wanting to get close and who is feeling safe enough to reveal hitherto hidden parts.
2. Be curious.
Be curious in a gentle, interested, and thoughtful way about something your partner tells you. It is so easy to dismiss the familiarity of what your partner tells you about their work, leisure, or activity with family and friends as though you’ve heard similar stories dozens of times before. By listening closely as though you have not heard what your partner has said before, will enable you to see your partner in a fresh light; even perhaps see something you haven’t noticed before. This listening presence and deep interest without the usual cursory brief attention may encourage your partner to dig deeper and see themselves in a different light too. They even feel safe enough to open up more.
3.Do something unexpectedly kind.
An unprompted, unexpected kindness is one of the best gifts you can give your partner. Just as nastiness can result in tit for tat situations, kindness can result in similar acts. It opens the way for softness and generosity of spirit in a world that offers a great deal of hardness.