There are several red flags that can occur early on in a relationship, which if not given adequate attention can lead to the undoing of a relationship. Some obvious red flags to name a few are lack of time, loss of intimacy, elevation of anger and increased conflict. These clear signs indicate that the relationship is strained, and therefore requires attention, nurturing, and healing. If you happen to be in this situation, relationship psychotherapy is an excellent solution to resolve relationship problems and restore the intimacy between you and your partner.
However, there may also be vague signs that your relationship is going down the wrong track that you may miss as red flags – ignoring them until such time that they are too big to miss and too complicated to manage. As such, it is far better to keep an eye on the smaller and earlier signals so that you don’t have to end up in real trouble to realise it is time to let go.
Paying close attention to these common pitfalls will most likely save you a lot of time, energy, and heartache. It is good to recognise what these red flags are so you don’t waste your precious time with people that are truly not meant for you. Take time to pause and contemplate your situation before you decide whether it will be wise to take your relationship to another level.
You don’t want to waste months or years of your dating life with the wrong partner. Here are 3 red flags you should watch out for in your intimate relationship:
Constant Communication with Previous Lover
Some people remain friends with their previous partners while some do not. Others have to keep their communication lines open or need some sort of relationship with an ex because of the children. But if your partner doesn’t have kids with their former lover, and yet the ex is still undeniably in the way, then ask yourself some serious questions: Why does your partner continue to spend so much time with a former partner To what degree is he/she hanging around (phone calls, regular lunches, constant messaging)? Am I really the significant other or is it the other way around?
Honestly speaking, if your partner is really into you, they won’t have a great deal of time for a former flame. Even if your partner’s previous lover doesn’t worry you, and that is generally a health thing, this situation is still not something you should easily dismiss. If you think your partner is not ready to let go of their past relationship talk about it and be wise enough to move on.
The Relationship is One-Sided
A clear indication that your partner is not as invested in the relationship as you are is when they cannot make decisions or plans for your future. If you find yourself pulling them along in every decision, plan and action, it can be a sign that they are unwilling to share their life with you and commit. Its one thing to decide about what you want in a relationship, but it’s entirely another to be the only one doing it.
You are obviously in a lopsided love affair if for example you have introduced your partner to your friends, and yet you have only met one or two odd friends of theirs. If you have invited your new partner over to a special family event (not just once, but several times), and yet that person hasn’t introduced you to a single family member you might begin to wonder. Thus if you are sharing every part of your life, yet the other hardly, if ever, welcomes you into any facet of their life, it might be time to ask some important questions.
Although these signals are hard to see in the beginning of the relationship pay attention to the plans and goals of your partner. If it seems that your ambitions don’t match up or they aren’t that committed to your future, spare yourself the heartbreak, and have the courage to spend it with someone who will make you a priority in their life.
You Catch Them in Lies
Sometimes lust or infatuation results in overlooking instances of dishonesty in a new relationship, and because we are human, we might find it easy to excuse the odd lie. Sometimes we tell “white lies” to keep our partner from getting hurt, but if these white lies are used for the sole purpose of covering for shady behaviours, something is definitely not right and you should be on your guard
Instances of secrecy, reluctance to share the past, and lack of transparency about activities and contacts should be taken as a warning signal. Lies, no matter how trivial they are, are still lies. And more often than not, fabrications and untruths hint at something bigger around the corner. Also, even if these lies may not make you feel particularly threatened, it is still sensible to be aware and have a healthy suspicion Bear in mind the fact that honesty plays a huge role in the success of a relationship, so expect and demand the truth.
If the aforementioned red flags are present in your relationship and still you want the relationship to work, it will be wise to seek relationship advice from an expert. While none of these are absolute rules, they will be of great help in determining whether or not you and your partner can work together for long-term.